This blog title, is one of my most favorite book quotes. It's from the book Written on the Body by author Jeanette Winterson. The plot is quite interesting and compelling as the main character tries to define, or measure, the love in their life. I say "their" purposely, because while reading the story you never know what the gender is of the main character. And that's all I'm going to say about the book, because I don't want to ruin it for you, dear reader, if you decide to get it.
The reason why I'm thinking about this book tonight, is that a conversation I had with a friend this evening has made me think of how I would feel if I have lost the one true love in my life - my husband. People all over the world are faced with daily - death, disappearance, leaving, divorce, etc...but I'm mostly referring to the latter. My friend may be facing an end to her 10-year relationship. This knowledge is still too new and fresh for her...it hardly seems real, yet.
I remember my first boyfriend, Paul. We dated for over a year - a pretty good timeframe considering that he was my first boyfriend and we were so young (I was 15 and he was 18). So yes, after doing the math you might have figured out that I was a Junior in H.S. when he went of to college. Like so many H.S.-College relationships, this one didn't last. Sadly, Paul broke up with me...and I was soo devastated. I remember feeling like my heart was ripped out of my chest...and now all that was left was this dark empty space. I can still feel where the golf-ball-sized lump that appeared in my throat when he told me. It took months to get over him. I never thought I would be able to replace him. My feelings for him grew ten-fold after he dumped me. Hence the whole "measure of love loss" thing.
OF COURSE I replaced him, with my husband who is 10 MM times more wonderful. ;)
The conversation with my friend definitely reminds me (I'm often reminded) how special the loves in my life are - family and friends, but most of all my husband. The old adage "You never know what you had until you've lost it."
That's it, I'm done pontificating for the evening.
If you want to learn more about Jeanette Winterson, visit her Web site here: www.jeanettewinterson.com
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Hmmm... That is very deep. It seems like you went a long way to make a point about how great your husband is, by comparing him to your high school sweetheart. I mean your boyfriend from High School? Do you really still remember it that way? Wowzer! Color you a romantic I guess. Are you saying that the you won't realize how much your husband means until you lose him? I am sure you didn't mean to say that, but one could interpret it that way...
ReplyDeleteI would argue the measure of love is not loss at all but what you gain. Anyway my two cents...
I like your blog, it is funny.
Thanks for posting.
ReplyDeleteThough, no - I'm not really comparing the actual love I had for my H.S. sweetheart vs. my husband...it's really no comparison.
My loss of my "first love" is really the only relevant loss that I have as a basis for comparison for what author Jeanette Winterson discusses in her book. What each and every one of us experiences individually on this matter of "love lost" has its own set of criteria (of sorts).
I agree with you partially on the notion of "gain" in terms of love. Think of it this way, if you're a long-distance runner, and you always run at the same pace, and complete the same 10 miles in the same amount of time, each time - that would be your benchmark. However, if you're able to gain more speed to reduce your time that would be the equivalent of a gain, right? And let's say that gain is a one-hit-wonder. So once you go back to the methodical pace of always doing this the same...you may feel something for that loss of not being able to attain that faster pace again.
Not sure if that makes more sense...but I guess that's what I'm really trying to drive home as the main point. No matter what your starting point or benchmark is (think of the stock market), once you fall below that point/mark, you often long-for the greater potential of what you have achieved (experienced) before.
No more esoteric ranting for now.
I get it. I guess I was just taken aback by your description, because the way you described your feelings seemed so intense, it sounded as if it only happened months ago and you were still dealing with it. I don't know how old you are so it is impossible to tell how long ago it was.
ReplyDeleteI guess it doesn’t matter that much how long ago it happened other then it gives some context. Based on the way you described the feelings you had, you are either extremely sensitive or you maybe you were exaggerating a little? I guess the reason it struck me is that I am very much the opposite in this regard (typical male, right?) as I can't remember ever having such intense feelings over "love lost". Maybe I have been lucky in this regard because if I contemplate losing my true love, I imagine it would feel similar to how you describe, anyway....
I did not get your "running' analogy at all, but that’s ok : ) (weird cause I am an avid runner!) I find the concept of trying to gauge or measure "love lost" very strange, love is not a line item. What would make someone review their past relationships and think, "Oh that relationship was not too bad. I only lost 5 units. But this one, whoa! I lost 20 units on that one!" I guess you are forcing me to read this book.
Based on the name of your blog, colors etc. and the other posts, my first impression of you and your blog was kind of “happy go lucky”. But based on this post, (which was obviously very interesting to me). I am thinking that you are probably a big fan of the Cure, am I right? Were you into the Goth scene as a teenager, I have this picture of you now listening to the Cure and wearing black...
Let me also say that I never "got" this whole blogging thing but following an article in the NY Times,
I have started reading several random blogs and now I am hooked! Evil Blogs!
Take Care and post soon!
Oh goodness, everything is intense when you're a teenager - especially if you're a girl. Let's see...it has been nearly 17 years since that first boyfriend of mine. I was either 16 or 17 years old at that time (and now you know how old I am, dear Anonymous reader).
ReplyDeleteI am pretty "happy go lucky," actually. I'm pretty random, and relatively secure with my goofy actions. Life is way too short to be so serious all the time. Though, as this post suggests, I can can get a little too deep in thought at times.
You know, it is really, VERY odd of your analogy or impression of me: "I am thinking that you are probably a big fan of the Cure, am I right? Were you into the Goth scene as a teenager, I have this picture of you now listening to the Cure and wearing black..."
That made me laugh out loud. So funny. When I was in 8th grade I guess you could say that I went from normal-preppy to new wave-punk (some people call that "Goth" today - that word is so lame). I used to wear all black, or as much of it at the same time as my wardrobe/clean laundry permitted. My mom told me that my dad actually asked her if I should see a psychiatrist 'cause I wore so much black. At the peak of my new wave-ness, I had a chin-length bob, with bangs just as long, but worn ratted-up high. Oh, and I had an inverted "V" shaved into the back of my bob. Oh, goofiness. And yes, I listened to The Cure!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
Now, I have long, long hair and mostly wear it back in a smart ponytail 'cause I'm too lazy to blowdry it out in the morning. I do still have a lot of black in my wardrobe, but I usually break it up with denim and a spot of color now and then.
As for my musical tastes - it's all over the place...Jazz, pop, R&B, Hip Hop, Alternative, '80's modern rock and pop, and movie scores (my husband's influence).
When are you going to formally login and post?
Cheers!